Tag Archive for 'writing'

Writing About Difficult Subjects in Memoir

Published on August 16, 2010 in Author Blog, autobiographies, Creative Nonfiction, General Information, Healing With Words, inspiration, Memoir, Memory, writer blog, writing, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

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Writing memoir can be viewed as a sort of literary alchemy. It is one way to transform your unpleasant past into an art form. This exercise can be cathartic, painful and confusing—things to be aware of before setting down this path. Many people believe they have a story to share but have trouble deciding whether to actually write about it. I say, if the story feels like a knot in your stomach, then it is something you should write whether it’s for publication or not. If there is an internal yanking and feeling that you cannot go to your grave leaving this story untold. That’s pretty much how I felt when writing my two memoirs, Regina’s Closet and Healing With Words.

When you finally decide to tell your story, you should know that it may not be easy getting down to the emotional truth of your subject matter. Sometimes it’s much easier to skirt the deep dark traumas of our past and write about the glossy and lighter events which shaped us.

Yet, writing about trauma can be life-changing for both you and your reader. My advice is to be brave and it will pay off.  Your first draft should be raw and long. Remember to be simple in your thoughts. Tell the truth and be straightforward. You can edit in subsequent drafts. If you have endured difficult times, the good news is that you have survived well enough to be able to write about them.

In my reading on how other writers have coped with writing about difficult subject matter. Many writers suggest not to throw yourself a pity party on the page, but instead, focus on writing the facts. Leave the reader to make their own decisions. In general, readers don’t like the narrative to whine. It is a turn-off and ineffective, however, there is also nothing wrong with letting the reader feel uncomfortable. In fact, if they are, they might be inspired to write their own painful story. This would be a plus for everyone involved.

Many people continue to be haunted by painful wounds of childhood and writing has a tendency to set people free from the shackles. Some might try to write their memoir in the third person in an attempt to remove or distance themselves from the story, but more often than not, however, this does not work because the immediacy is often lost.

Some people ask how they can protect themselves and remain ‘sane,’ while writing their painful story. My answer varies depending upon the person. Psychotherapy might be the answer for you or having someone trustworthy you can talk to on a regular basis, whether it’s an editor or dear friend. It’s good to have someone to call in time of need, just for inspiration or to prod you along—someone to tell that you “can do it.” Some people lean towards writing groups for support, although I have never personally found them helpful, as often times instead of supporting one another’s literary works, participants use the forum to  destructively criticize one another’s work.

Art Spiegelman, the author of the graphic memoir, The Complete Maus: A Survivor’s Tale, says to protect himself from the pain of his past, he wears a bicycle helmet so that when he hits his head against the wall it doesn’t hurt so much. This reminds me of a fiction workshop I once took at the University of the Iowa where Jonis Agee suggested we wear masks while writing. This was a great way to become someone else.

In summary, if a subject is scary or feels dangerous the best thing to do is just write and deal with the post-traumatic stress situation afterwards. Sometimes when you write what you remember about an event, it is one way of separating yourself from it. In a way, you gain a sense of control over your old memory.

Writing Happiness

Published on August 2, 2010 in General Information, Health and Wellness, Journaling, Musings, Notebooks, Spirituality, writer blog and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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August is “Admit You’re Happy Month” and August 8th is “Admit You’re Happy Day” and even though it sounds like a ridiculous reason for a celebration, think again.

People so often focus on the negative and it’s always good  to step back and look at the things in our lives which bringing us happiness. It seems as if writers are more often driven to the page when there is something causing turbulence in their lives, rather than when they are happy. In fact, most memoirs focus on traumatic events, which is fine, but it’s a good idea to find a balance and also identify the good times. In the classes I teach at UCLA Extension, I advocate both positive and gratitude journaling.

In my recent readings on Buddhism, I’ve learned that one of the chief sources of anger is the quest for happiness. Just think about why someone would get angry while waiting in a long line in the airport or why someone would honk if someone was driving too slowly in front of them. The angry person just wants to be happy, but ironically, this quest for happiness is the source of his unhappiness. As, Eric Hoffer, a philosopher known for his adages observed, “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”

His Holiness the Dalai Lama believes that the pursuit of happiness is so important that he’s devoted his life to preaching about it. His book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living is packed with useful information, mainly centered around the idea that “the purpose of our existence is to seek happiness.” So, the question becomes, if we want happiness, then how do we seek it? One way is to understand that negative emotions and behaviors are harmful, and positive emotions are helpful. The negative emotions hurt not only ourselves, but others as well.

So while journaling or writing about happiness, write about all the different ways you can bring happiness to others, whether it is doing a good deed for a friend, colleague or neighbor. A few weeks ago we had a party and  thought about what to do with the leftovers and decided to bring them to the homeless lining the streets of downtown parks. The act of kindness went a long way to make both us and the homeless happy.

Alexandra Stoddard has a great book called, Choosing Happiness, a quick and inspirational read which might be worth picking up, not only for journaling ideas but to make you smile and feel better.

Remember, happiness rarely comes from just thinking about yourself. Victor Frankl says, “Joy comes into our lives when we have: (a) something to do, (b) someone to love, and (c) something to hope for.”

I don’t think I could have said it better!

Writing a Compelling Memoir

Published on July 19, 2010 in Author Blog, breast cancer, Creativity, Depression, Healing With Words, Health, Journaling, Memoir, Memory, writer blog, writing, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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On Saturday, I participated in a panel at the Ventura Book Festival called, “Writing a Compelling Memoir.” For those who were unable to attend, here are some highlights from presentation:

Abigail Thomas, in her book, Thinking About Memoir, says that writing a memoir is about keeping your eyes, ears and heart open. It’s about letting your mind open up and wander and about letting one thing lead to another.

Many people are driven to write memoir as a result of pain, loss or trauma. But when considering publication, one question you must ask is, “who cares?” Why would people want to read your book? You must have something to share which is universal. The impetus for writing my first memoir, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal (http://www.amazon.com/Reginas-Closet-Finding-Grandmothers-Journal/dp/0825305756/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279570174&sr=1-1) was to explore the motivation behind my grandmother’s suicide. It’s not that I was contemplating suicide, but after my first diagnosis I became depressed. I knew that my grandmother battled the same demon and I wanted to understand how she dealt with it. I also wondered if maybe she too had cancer and took her life because of the stigma associated with the disease in the 1960s. In the end, I learned that she did not have cancer, but never fully healed from the traumas she encountered as an orphan in Poland during World War I.

The way in which you begin your memoir, depends upon your story. An effective way is to begin by writing about a transformational moment in your life. For Regina’s Closet, I wrote about the day I found my grandmother dead. This became the book’s opening scene. In Healing With Words, (http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Words-writers-cancer-journey/dp/1615990100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279569966&sr=8-1), I began by describing what I thought would be a routine annual mammogram, but which ended up being a breast cancer diagnosis. This became that book’s opening scene.

According to Lee Gutkind in his book, Keep it Real, “scenes are the primary building blocks of creative nonfiction. They are little stories, episodes, anecdotes or other opportunities for the creative nonfiction writer to be artful and use all the literary techniques available to fiction writers, such as dialogue, description, action and suspense.”

When identifying a scene remember that something must happen. There must be a beginning, middle and end and a bunch of things that happen in between in order to have the building blocks for the story.

From a broader perspective, here are eight tips on writing a compelling memoir:

1) Find the memoir’s focus

2) Find the memoir’s structure

3) Show don’t tell

4) Use a compelling voice

5) Create compelling scenes

6) Use reflection and musings

7) Use fictional technique

8) Write your emotional truth

In summary, many people write memoir not necessarily because they want to write one, but more often because they have a story which they need to tell, either to find an answer to a mysterious question or to make some sense of a situation. Writing is a journey like no other. Whatever  one’s motive is for reason for writing a memoir, it will surely be a rewarding experience!

Writing For Happiness

Published on June 14, 2010 in 1960s, Author Blog, Baby Boomers, General Information, Health, Health and Wellness, Journaling, Journals and Memoir. Tags: , , , , , .

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The headline of an article in yesterday’s New York Times was entitled, “In Midlife, Boomers are Happy—And Suicidal.” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/weekinreview/13cohen.html?emc=eta1).

This was certainly catchy enough to make me stop and read what the article had to say, particularly because of some recent turning points in my life, such as I recently celebrated my 56th birthday, my sister-in-law, Serena celebrated her 50th and my middle daughter, Regine, is getting married in less than three weeks.

The article began like this, “If you are suddenly feeling confused about whether to greet middle age with open arms or dread, it is understandable. In recent weeks, researchers reported that Americans in midlife are a remarkably contented lot, and that they also have the highest rate of suicide.” Surely Charles Dickens was correct when he said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Tale_of_Two_Cities)

At first, I was confused by the article’s opening paragraph, but while glancing over some recent pages of my journal depicting my own life, I completely understand the author, Patricia Cohen’s sentiments.

My husband and I have raised three wonderful kids who are now living on their own. We are lucky to have made an independent life for ourselves and are able to carve out enough time to follow some buried passions. Being in our 50s is also a time when we catch a glimpse of ailing health, whether it be from an elevated blood cholesterol or menopausal hot flashes. Coupled with this, many of us are finding that the time we had spent raising our kids are now devoted to taking care of our elderly parents. (I am thankful for each day that my mother remains independent at the age of 80).

It has been said that our generation of baby boomers is also called, “the sandwich generation.” Most of us have replaced the once urgent pressures of raising kids with more long-term and philosophical pressures like what we want to do with the rest of our lives. In a sense, many of us have re-entered the turmoil and confusion of adolescence.

In the journaling workshops I teach, I see many of my adult students at this juncture in their lives. The journaling process helps them understand not only how they are feeling, but helps them identify the right path for them.

By now, most of my readers understand that my solution to most of life’s dilemmas and questions lies in our freedom to pull out our notebooks and write down our emotional truth.

Here are some prompts to help you rekindle the joy in your life:

  • Describe how you are feeling right now
  • If you could be doing one thing to make you happy, what would it be?
  • Write a page describing your ideal life.
  • Write a love letter to yourself to read whenever you need to be nurtured and reminded of your hopes and dreams.

Remember that you are the star of your life story. You are responsible for the choices you have made in your life. If you are not happy, choose to be happy and make a change. You CAN do it. That’s the power of positive thinking and journaling can help you reach this goal!

Writing About Family

Published on May 17, 2010 in Author Blog, Creative Nonfiction, General Information, inspiration, Memoir, Musings, writer blog and writing. Tags: , , , , .

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As it turns out, May 16th is National Biographer’s Day and May 18th is National Relatives Day. I thought combining these two holidays would make a good subject for today’s blog.Ironically, tomorrow I will be visiting my family in New York to celebrate my son’s 21st birthday – so I’m doing exactly what Wikipedia says I should do—visiting relatives!

As a memoirist, the challenges of writing about family are constantly present. Many of my students who write memoir often express their fear of being sued. According to Judith Barrington in her book, Writing the Memoir, the chances of being sued are extremely low. For the most part, suing someone is extremely expensive.  Plus most people w considering the process might not want to bring any further attention to a potentially-embarrassing situation.

The dilemma for the writer is having the desire to do justice to their families, but also wanting to write a compelling story. The fact is, drama sells. A humor columnist friend of mine who frequently writes anecdotes about his wife or married life, clears his short pieces with her first. He is both wise and sensible to do this. It’s good to allow family members to review your writing prior to publication. Not only does it allow you to face your family with peace of mind, but it can also solicit an additional perspective which might also even strengthen your story.

No doubt, the most interesting characters are those who are spirited and who are willing and able to create conflict, the essential element that keeps a story compelling.  There are three types of conflict—conflict within the individual, conflict between individuals and conflict between an individual and society. The odds are that if your story doesn’t contain some type of conflict, either you don’t yet have a story or it will be a boring one.

If you are driven to write about family and fiction is not an option for you, then you must know your limits and boundaries within the world of nonfiction. There are three important things to remember: be as honest as you can, fact check, and preserve other people’s privacy. In any event, here are some terms you should be familiar with:

Defamation: This is damage to someone’s reputation, which includes damaging statements that are either slander (spoken) or libel (written).

Libel: This is being accused that a published statement is untrue. This can only be done by a living person. One way to avoid this charge is to alter character name, especially if you are saying something which can embarrass or invade a person’s sense of privacy.

Invasion of privacy: This is writing something about someone which they don’t want published and then sharing it publicly. This can include embarrassing, personal or misleading facts about a person which you might be obtained from a third party.

Copyright: Most writers are familiar with this infringement, but one thing I recently learned was that letters are copyrighted the second they are written, and that you cannot publish a letter without their permission.

Indeed, there are rewards when writing about family. You might have access to fascinating stories and details which could really sell and might not otherwise make their way out into the world. But, it’s important to be cautious and keep the following in mind:

Set boundaries for yourself; allow anyone mentioned in your writing to review the material and honor the fact that people are entitled to their privacy.

What To Write….

Published on March 22, 2010 in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , .

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Whether you write fiction, nonfiction or poetry, there’s no doubt you have a unique story to tell with your very own perspective. For many writers, reliving and retelling childhood stories are common platforms for their work. We often return to those times because they were filled with pain, joy or unanswered questions.

Even though we might have a sense of what story we need to tell, but once in a while we get stumped. Many writers say their best story ideas come to them when not sitting at their desks ‘working,’ but rather when they’re out and about. It’s important to remain alert to those mundane moments in everyday life—odd discoveries and chance remarks made by others in social, work or casual settings. Compelling stories contain snippets of these incidents woven with well-known factoids. That’s one of the many good reasons to carry a notebook with you wherever you go.

My typical day begins with reading the newspaper, either on line or with my morning coffee. An article might spur my interest which would drive me to surf the web for more information. If I am in the middle of another project, I will toss the idea into my “Writing Idea,” folder which contains stories I hope to tell one day. Whether I get to them or not is not important, the important thing is to have that folder for those days when my well runs dry.

Outside of having the “Writing Idea Folder,” when stuck for ideas, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

1)What is going through your head?

2) Who are your villains? Who are your heroes?

3)What are you obsessed by?

4) What inspires you?

5) Where are you in your life now?

6) What stories are you compelled to read?

Whatever you choose to write, you will soon realize that the creative journey is similar to life’s journey—it is unpredictable, unstructured, mysterious and laden with miracles.

In her book, Negotiating With the Dead: A Writer on Writing (2002), Margaret Atwood says this, “Writing has to do with darkness, and a desire or perhaps a compulsion to enter it, and, with luck, to illuminate it, and to bring something back out into the light.”

In Writing (1993) Marguerite Duras says, “Finding yourself in a hole, at the bottom of a hole, in almost total solitude, and discovering that only writing can save you. To be without the slightest subject for a book, the slightest idea for a book, is to find yourself, once again, before a book. A vast emptiness. A possible book. Before nothing. Before something like living, naked writing, like something terrible, terrible to overcome.”

William Faulkner believed that there’s a more profound reason why writers write. “An artist,” he says, “is a creature driven by demons. He has a dream. It anguishes himself so much he must get rid of it.” Whatever this dream is writers often lose sleep until the project is completed and this is how they uncover the story they have to tell.

In many ways, writing could be thought of as a modern, guilt-free replacement for confession. This might be one reason so many people are drawn to writing memoirs and personal essays. Writing about real life experiences is like a snake shedding its skin and leaving a former self behind. It’s easier moving forward when the baggage from the past is dropped. Franz Kafka summarized this idea beautifully by saying, “I write in order to shut my eyes.” Fiction writers might argue that they write fiction so that they can tamper with the facts in their life and that they have more freedom during the writing process.

Joan Didion says this about her writing, “Had my credentials been in order I would never have become a writer. Had I been blessed with even limited access to my own mind there would have been no reason to write. I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”

In essence, we write to know ourselves and to figure out the world around us. Even our darkest—or unknown—thoughts, memories and fears, can transform themselves to reveal value and meaning in our lives now. And with any luck, for others as well.

In Memory of J.D. Salinger

Published on February 1, 2010 in j.D. Salinger, Journals, Musings, Reading, The Catcher in the Rye and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , .

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If I had to choose my favorite novel of all time, it would be Catcher in the Rye. Learning about the passing of J.D. Salinger’s passing last week, marked the end of a personal and societal era. It was consoling to know that he died peacefully in his home in New Hampshire at the age of 91, after what have been fifty reclusive years.

I always wondered what makes an author become a recluse. Or anyone for that matter. Are they trying to escape the attention of fans or are they just antisocial characters? Perhaps they are a combination of the two. If we look at literary history, we observe that many creative people do indeed seek solitude, either to focus on their work or stay out of the limelight. In reality, Salinger’s private life is irrelevant because what we should remember about him will be that he produced a book with a very memorable protagonist, one who has resonated with more than five generations. Catcher in the Rye is one of those rare books like Le Petite Prince that parents and children both stand to gain something from discussing.

There are so many things I love about the book, including the personal narrative of Holden Caulfield who truly depicts the angst and issues of adolescence by illustrating his deep sense of alienation, continuous questioning, and rebelling against authority. I loved Salinger’s blending of the typical adolescent character with his cynical sense of humor and sensitivity which sometimes peeked through the terror of his inevitable hormonal rages. Holden frequently voiced the common belief held by many adolescents that adults are both phony and superficial.

Salinger’s writing style and voice has so inspired much of my own writing. In fact, I have read the book a number of times, particularly when trying to find the voice in my prose. I have tried reading his short stories, but they did not resonate with me nearly as much as Catcher in the Rye. Much of Salinger’s writing focuses on the youth and in fact, he was once quoted as saying, “I almost always write about very young people.”

As I prepared to write this blog, I did some research on Salinger’s life and came upon some interesting factoids that coincidentally resonates with my New Year’s resolution. Although the son of a Polish Jew, in his late twenties Salinger studied Zen Buddhism and adhered to Vendanta Hinduism which advocated celibacy and detachment from responsibilities. Perhaps these interests contributed to his reclusive nature. Salinger also adhered to the principles of kriya yoga and other eastern spiritual, medical and nutritional beliefs including those of Edgar Cayce.

I am curious to learn more about Salinger. Perhaps his heirs will discover hidden secrets, journals or unpublished manuscripts that they might choose to share, as such is usually the case. It seems to be that we are more inspired and curious about the lives of deceased artists than living ones. and as my son recently mentioned in an email, “some of the most famous artists are only recognized through their death.”

What do you think?

Full Moon Musings

Published on December 11, 2008 in General Information and Musings. Tags: .

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I rarely need to be reminded of the impeding full moon.  It is an event that I can feel in the air by virtue of its energy—a notion that things are different.  I really understand the words of the songwriter, Van Morrison when he says this about the full moon—“It’s a marvelous night for a Moon Dance.”

The full moon occurs when the sun and the moon oppose one another.  The opposition between these two large luminaries tends to create an imbalance.  It’s sort of like being in the center of a strong magnetic field. 

During the full moon, studies have shown that some people have more accidents, while others enter a state of lunacy  Health care professionals have claimed that more pregnant women go into labor during the full moon and law enforcement officers claim that more crime is committed.

For others, like myself, creative juices flow stronger.  The question is how to use this energy to a literary advantage.  Those born under the full moon act as if they are carrying a full moon around inside of them.  They tend to be restless, always discontent and never satisfied.  In some people this can create a very strong drive to achieve and create. 

So, even if you were not born under a full moon, why not take advantage of today’s full moon and create away!

 

Journaling to Happiness

Published on November 30, 2008 in Journaling, Musings, writing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , .

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Although I never took part in the practice of Buddhism, I have always been fascinated by it. Last week I went to a lecture given by a Buddhist Monk who used to be a middle school teacher. He began with a basic meditation which involve a breathing exercise where we were instructed to breathe out the black smoke of negativity and inhale positive energy in the form of a bright light.

I learned that the message of Buddhism is that the more you love, the happier you will be. As I took notes in my journal, I began describing all of the people in my life who were happy. It suddenly occurred to me that those who were indeed the happiest were those who opened up their hearts and were able to love. Conversely, those who were unhappy, were those who were selfish and unable to love complexly.

The lecture summarize what I already knew, but it was nice to have a refresher and something else to muse about in my journal. It’s nice being reminded that a world without love is a miserable place and that if we allow positive emotions to over power negative ones, the world would be a much better place.

What do you think?

Writing Begets Writing

Published on November 2, 2008 in General Information, Musings and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , .

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The writing life involves hard work, perseverance, courage, finding ‘le mot juste’ and coping with the risk of failure. Writers can decrease their risk of failure by writing more and providing a steady stream of submissions to editors and publishers.

Those who get published are a special breed. They understand the graceful art of submitting their work and how with every acceptance there might have been 50 or 100 rejections. They understand that if you don’t send out your work you will never be read. Many writers don’t seem to understand this. Those who do not  get published sit in their office writing and waiting for the knock on the door, but unfortunately, it rarely happens this way.

Now is the best time to silence your insecurities and forge ahead with your work. Believe in yourself and your writing and send out your work out.

 

What are you waiting for?