Archive for the 'Memoir' Category

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Writing a Compelling Memoir

On Saturday, I participated in a panel at the Ventura Book Festival called, “Writing a Compelling Memoir.” For those who were unable to attend, here are some highlights from presentation:

Abigail Thomas, in her book, Thinking About Memoir, says that writing a memoir is about keeping your eyes, ears and heart open. It’s about letting your mind open up and wander and about letting one thing lead to another.

Many people are driven to write memoir as a result of pain, loss or trauma. But when considering publication, one question you must ask is, “who cares?” Why would people want to read your book? You must have something to share which is universal. The impetus for writing my first memoir, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal (http://www.amazon.com/Reginas-Closet-Finding-Grandmothers-Journal/dp/0825305756/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279570174&sr=1-1) was to explore the motivation behind my grandmother’s suicide. It’s not that I was contemplating suicide, but after my first diagnosis I became depressed. I knew that my grandmother battled the same demon and I wanted to understand how she dealt with it. I also wondered if maybe she too had cancer and took her life because of the stigma associated with the disease in the 1960s. In the end, I learned that she did not have cancer, but never fully healed from the traumas she encountered as an orphan in Poland during World War I.

The way in which you begin your memoir, depends upon your story. An effective way is to begin by writing about a transformational moment in your life. For Regina’s Closet, I wrote about the day I found my grandmother dead. This became the book’s opening scene. In Healing With Words, (http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Words-writers-cancer-journey/dp/1615990100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279569966&sr=8-1), I began by describing what I thought would be a routine annual mammogram, but which ended up being a breast cancer diagnosis. This became that book’s opening scene.

According to Lee Gutkind in his book, Keep it Real, “scenes are the primary building blocks of creative nonfiction. They are little stories, episodes, anecdotes or other opportunities for the creative nonfiction writer to be artful and use all the literary techniques available to fiction writers, such as dialogue, description, action and suspense.”

When identifying a scene remember that something must happen. There must be a beginning, middle and end and a bunch of things that happen in between in order to have the building blocks for the story.

From a broader perspective, here are eight tips on writing a compelling memoir:

1) Find the memoir’s focus

2) Find the memoir’s structure

3) Show don’t tell

4) Use a compelling voice

5) Create compelling scenes

6) Use reflection and musings

7) Use fictional technique

8) Write your emotional truth

In summary, many people write memoir not necessarily because they want to write one, but more often because they have a story which they need to tell, either to find an answer to a mysterious question or to make some sense of a situation. Writing is a journey like no other. Whatever  one’s motive is for reason for writing a memoir, it will surely be a rewarding experience!

Writing For Happiness

The headline of an article in yesterday’s New York Times was entitled, “In Midlife, Boomers are Happy—And Suicidal.” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/weekinreview/13cohen.html?emc=eta1).

This was certainly catchy enough to make me stop and read what the article had to say, particularly because of some recent turning points in my life, such as I recently celebrated my 56th birthday, my sister-in-law, Serena celebrated her 50th and my middle daughter, Regine, is getting married in less than three weeks.

The article began like this, “If you are suddenly feeling confused about whether to greet middle age with open arms or dread, it is understandable. In recent weeks, researchers reported that Americans in midlife are a remarkably contented lot, and that they also have the highest rate of suicide.” Surely Charles Dickens was correct when he said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Tale_of_Two_Cities)

At first, I was confused by the article’s opening paragraph, but while glancing over some recent pages of my journal depicting my own life, I completely understand the author, Patricia Cohen’s sentiments.

My husband and I have raised three wonderful kids who are now living on their own. We are lucky to have made an independent life for ourselves and are able to carve out enough time to follow some buried passions. Being in our 50s is also a time when we catch a glimpse of ailing health, whether it be from an elevated blood cholesterol or menopausal hot flashes. Coupled with this, many of us are finding that the time we had spent raising our kids are now devoted to taking care of our elderly parents. (I am thankful for each day that my mother remains independent at the age of 80).

It has been said that our generation of baby boomers is also called, “the sandwich generation.” Most of us have replaced the once urgent pressures of raising kids with more long-term and philosophical pressures like what we want to do with the rest of our lives. In a sense, many of us have re-entered the turmoil and confusion of adolescence.

In the journaling workshops I teach, I see many of my adult students at this juncture in their lives. The journaling process helps them understand not only how they are feeling, but helps them identify the right path for them.

By now, most of my readers understand that my solution to most of life’s dilemmas and questions lies in our freedom to pull out our notebooks and write down our emotional truth.

Here are some prompts to help you rekindle the joy in your life:

  • Describe how you are feeling right now
  • If you could be doing one thing to make you happy, what would it be?
  • Write a page describing your ideal life.
  • Write a love letter to yourself to read whenever you need to be nurtured and reminded of your hopes and dreams.

Remember that you are the star of your life story. You are responsible for the choices you have made in your life. If you are not happy, choose to be happy and make a change. You CAN do it. That’s the power of positive thinking and journaling can help you reach this goal!

New Book Release: Healing With Words


Released June 1st, Loving Healing Press.
Available @ 1-888-761-6268
or from Amazon.com/BN.com or from Distributors (Ingram, New Leaf)

Diana Raab will be reading from
Healing With Words:

Skirball Center
June 9th, 7pm
UCLA Extension Writers’ Publication Party

About the Book:

This  is a memoir and self-help book written by a nurse, author, and mother of three, who at the age of forty-seven found her life shattered by a diagnosis with DCIS with invasion. Five years later she was diagnosed once again to yet another, seemingly unrelated and incurable blood cancer‹multiple myeloma. The book includes the author’s experiences, reflections, poetry,  journal entries, in addition to writing prompts for readers to express their own personal story. Since early childhood, Raab has drawn strength from the practice of journaling.

From the Foreword:

“I applaud the author for having the courage to share her very personal story in the form of narrative, journal entries and poems”~ Melvin Silverstein, Director of Breast Program, Hoag Memorial Hospital

EARLY REVIEW

“Diana is a woman who knows what it is to live fully in the face of mortality.  She will add value to the life of every person who reads this book.” – Sena Jeter Naslund, Author of AHAB’S WIFE and ABUNDANCE: A NOVEL OF MARIE ANTOINETTE

FOR REVIEWERS: Email publicity@dianaraab.com for review copies

Healing With Words

For most people Memorial Day signifies the beginning of summer, barbeques and the gathering of friends and family. For those who have lost loved ones in the military service, this is a day of remembrance. I don’t personally know anyone who lost their life in the military, but I do know many who have served. This morning, I did take a few moments of silence to honor those who have defended our freedoms.

For me, Memorial Day is also a time to remember all those loved ones who have passed away, whether as a result of war, accident, old age or illness. Since my latest book, HEALING WITH WORDS: A WRITER’S CANCER JOURNEY (http://lovinghealing.com/) just released, I would like to honor those who have lost their lives due to cancer. Thankfully both my cancers were diagnosed early, and I am alive to tell my story. The impetus for writing this book is having been diagnosed with two cancers in five years. One of my cancers is cured, but the second one I must live with for the rest of my life because to date, there is no cure. I have decided not to let my life revolve around the cancer, but to take one day at a time and enjoy my life.

My journey has riveted me and made me not only appreciate the good times, but has also continually reminded me how essential it is to focus  on the positive. In my book I stress the importance of using writing to heal because it has saved me on many occasions.  My hope is that others will learn from my example and acknowledge the importance of self- expression.

While crafting this book, I vowed to make this a different type of memoir in that it is also a self-help book. In addition to including journaling pages and prompts at the end of each chapter, I have included extensive appendices offering names of support organizations and writing tips. Unlike many cancer memoirs, mine is written with a wry and inspirational tone, offering hope for those also afflicted with the demon.

Sena Jeter Naslund, a New York Times bestselling novelist and author of AHAB’S WIFE and ABUNDANCE; A NOVEL OF MARIE ANTOINETTE says: “Though I am a professional writer, it’s hard to find words for the admiration I feel for Diana Raab and her inspiring true story: Healing With Words. Time after time, Diana articulates incisively the thoughts and feelings that convey hoped-for meaning and encouragement. She is a woman who knows what it is to live fully in the face of mortality. She will add value to the life of every person who reads this book.  That she includes the creative impulse to write and the solace offered by contemplating the beautiful as a vital part of human existence resonates at a spiritual level for me.”

The creative impulse is what keeps me going. I’m interested in hearing from you; please share how writing has helped you heal during difficult times.

Audio Books: A New Horizon

The first book on tape I ever listened to was of Frank McCourt reading his memoir, Angela’s Ashes. I had a two-hour drive to Los Angeles and no doubt, my destination came too quickly. In addition to hearing his amazing story, Frank had a distinctive and compelling reading voice which simply made you want to listen to the entire book at once, but in reality that was not possible.

A few weeks ago, I was invited by a colleague to read my latest book, Writers and Their Notebooks for a reading marathon at The Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic in Santa Barbara. The small and efficient office was set up with a few recording booths and after signing in I was asked what I wanted to read. T.C. Boyle had just read there the day before and obviously the person checking me in did not know I was also an author. My friend stepped in (thankfully) and said, “She’s going to read her own work, of course.”

It was one of those honored moments when I felt proud to be a published author. I was equally honored to learn that soon my book would be made available to blind and learning disabled persons across the country. I had read sections of my book at book signings, but never entire chapters at a time.

I was handed a copy of my book which had been marked up with instructions on to how to read it out loud. My glass-enclosed booth faced another glass-enclosed cubicle occupied by a woman who would spot me and give hand signals telling me when to start and finish.

At the start of each page I was to announce ‘new page.’ When I forgot, she stopped the tape and rewound it for me to start over. After a few pages I got into the rhythm and, as difficult as it was, I had to resist the temptation to change or edit the words.

After reading for a while, I came to the beginning of a new page, looked up, but did not see the woman make any motions. I coughed to get her attention while watching her eyes following the lines on her copy of  my book. She stopped the recording and said, “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, your voice was so hypnotic.”

There are not many times in a writer’s life when one gets that mushy feeling in the heart and I can safely say this was one of those times. I was delighted that my reading was seemingly as effective on this woman as Frank McCourt’s was on me. It made me want to donate more of my time to the worthy cause.

That night I came home to find a recent issue of Publisher’s Weekly which was highlighting, “Everything Audio.” One article of great interest to me was called, “Storytelling: Authors Reading Their Own Work,” by Adam Boretz. He made a few comments which really resonated with me. “The greatest challenge,” [of recording an audio book] said novelist Sam Lipsyte, “was being shut up in a booth with no sense of how things are really going. With an audience, you can tell if you are losing them, if they are falling asleep, laughing in the wrong places. But this was more of a floating-in-space deal.”

One author compared audio books to the southern tradition of oral storytelling. Other authors feel that reading their book out loud changes there perception of it and offers them new insights. Deepak Chopra who has  done many audio books says that reading his books out loud sometimes leads to new insights and ideas. It can also give the author ideas about where to edit in the book’s next revision.

Some writers claimed that it was important to get a good night’s sleep before the reading and make sure to also drink enough fluids. The funniest statement about doing audio recordings, however, was made by novelist Joshua Ferris who said, “I think the biggest lesson I learned is don’t drink sparkling water because it makes your stomach gurgle.” Now that’s something to remember!

Writing About Family

As it turns out, May 16th is National Biographer’s Day and May 18th is National Relatives Day. I thought combining these two holidays would make a good subject for today’s blog.Ironically, tomorrow I will be visiting my family in New York to celebrate my son’s 21st birthday – so I’m doing exactly what Wikipedia says I should do—visiting relatives!

As a memoirist, the challenges of writing about family are constantly present. Many of my students who write memoir often express their fear of being sued. According to Judith Barrington in her book, Writing the Memoir, the chances of being sued are extremely low. For the most part, suing someone is extremely expensive.  Plus most people w considering the process might not want to bring any further attention to a potentially-embarrassing situation.

The dilemma for the writer is having the desire to do justice to their families, but also wanting to write a compelling story. The fact is, drama sells. A humor columnist friend of mine who frequently writes anecdotes about his wife or married life, clears his short pieces with her first. He is both wise and sensible to do this. It’s good to allow family members to review your writing prior to publication. Not only does it allow you to face your family with peace of mind, but it can also solicit an additional perspective which might also even strengthen your story.

No doubt, the most interesting characters are those who are spirited and who are willing and able to create conflict, the essential element that keeps a story compelling.  There are three types of conflict—conflict within the individual, conflict between individuals and conflict between an individual and society. The odds are that if your story doesn’t contain some type of conflict, either you don’t yet have a story or it will be a boring one.

If you are driven to write about family and fiction is not an option for you, then you must know your limits and boundaries within the world of nonfiction. There are three important things to remember: be as honest as you can, fact check, and preserve other people’s privacy. In any event, here are some terms you should be familiar with:

Defamation: This is damage to someone’s reputation, which includes damaging statements that are either slander (spoken) or libel (written).

Libel: This is being accused that a published statement is untrue. This can only be done by a living person. One way to avoid this charge is to alter character name, especially if you are saying something which can embarrass or invade a person’s sense of privacy.

Invasion of privacy: This is writing something about someone which they don’t want published and then sharing it publicly. This can include embarrassing, personal or misleading facts about a person which you might be obtained from a third party.

Copyright: Most writers are familiar with this infringement, but one thing I recently learned was that letters are copyrighted the second they are written, and that you cannot publish a letter without their permission.

Indeed, there are rewards when writing about family. You might have access to fascinating stories and details which could really sell and might not otherwise make their way out into the world. But, it’s important to be cautious and keep the following in mind:

Set boundaries for yourself; allow anyone mentioned in your writing to review the material and honor the fact that people are entitled to their privacy.

Genre Confusion (Book, that is…)

In my local bookstore I just picked up a copy of Jeannette Walls latest book, Half Broke Horses: A true life novel and as an instructor of memoir, I wonder about this new genre. Walls last book, a memoir, The Glass Castle (2006), was on the New York Times Bestseller list for quite a while. I read it and loved it. I find her writing quite compelling and she openly called that book a memoir, but I must say I am curious why she decided to call this new book a ‘true life novel.’

I do know that many prose writers who want to tell the story of their lives are frequently in a quandary as to whether they should tell their story as fiction or nonfiction. Typically, I tell my students that there is no correct answer. It’s whatever feels right or organic to your story. Some writers might find themselves experimenting by writing the story in both genres to see which one flows better.

No doubt, whatever genre the author chooses, he or she will encounter reviewer flak, once the book is published. A recent article in The Daily Beast (January 19, 2010), claimed that memoirs raise a perennial problem—sometimes fiction is more powerful than memoir and the main reason is that often memoirists are not as adept at using fiction technique as novelists. More specifically, in this particular article, writer Taylor Antrim proclaims that he views memoir writing as “cheating.”  The article mentions that he felt this even before the James Frey circus of events. He further explains that what he means by “cheating” is not necessarily an exaggeration of the truth, but that the stories sometimes contain blatant lies. He goes on to say that it’s not easy telling a good story without fibbing a bit, and it might be the author’s fabrications that bring a dramatic effect to an otherwise boring life.

As a memoirist first, and a fiction writer second, it is my natural instinct to defend my genre. Memoir is what it is and frankly I’m tired of people comparing it to fiction. It is a completely different genre with its own voice and rhythm. Did you ever hear of people comparing poetry to fiction?

The seasoned memoirist typically incorporates fiction techniques and if in fact, this makes the story appear fragmentary, then so be it. It seems that the writer is ‘damned if they do and damned if they don’t.’ If they use too much fiction technique and bend the truth, like Frey, they are considered ‘liars,’ if they leave out parts of the story because they don’t remember them, they are called ‘fragmentary writers.’

 So let’s just accept memoir for what it is and respect the writer who chooses memoir over fiction as someone who has courage and guts to write a memoir without hiding behind the veil of fiction. If you don’t like reading the form, then don’t read it and stop complaining. Of course, there’s good writing and poor writing; there are good memoirs and bad memoirs; there are good novel and bad novels. I believe that if someone is a good writer, it doesn’t matter what genre he or she writes in.

In comparing the genres, Antrim shares examples of autobiographic fiction, such as Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, Maple Stories by John Updike and The View from Castle Rock by Alice Munro. Then there’s another genre which has been frequently used, called, the autobiographical novel, examples of which include, On the Road by John Kerouac, Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway, Night by Elie Weisel, Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence and Childhood by Leo Tolstoy. I see two primary reasons for writing an autobiographical novel instead of a memoir —if you’ve forgotten certain events and/or if you want to protect the privacy of loved ones (or enemies).

Another part of me asks “Who cares what the genre is and why are people so intent on labeling?” Perhaps the most important reason for genre-labeling is that bookstore sellers will know where to shelve the book in their stores. In fact, the first question an agent or publisher will ask the writer is, “Where do you see this book in the book store?” Glancing ahead into the future and the inevitable demise of bookstores, I wonder if the genre line will become even more blurred. In many ways, I think it will  be a good thing if it does.

Note to fiction writers: You should know that most of  my writing colleagues are fiction writers and you should not take this blog wrong– it’s just how I feel today, but you know that I love you all and still want to hear what you have to say about this very controversial subject.

Memoir and Truth

Last weekend  I taught a memoir workshop at the West Hollywood Book Festival. It’s my second year doing so and it’s one of my favorite gigs. The class overflows with enthusiastic attendees who are smart and ask great questions. One recurring question in most of my workshops is, “Are you liable if you write a memoir about a mean family member or unfortunate childhood situation?” In light of all the attention given to the exaggerations and falsehoods in James Frey’s memoir, A Million Little Pieces, many people have begun to suspect memoir writers as a group, but I would like to set things straight.

The truth is when you write memoir, you are writing your truth as you remember it. It is no one else’s truth. It’s your own. You can be sued by a family member, but they might not be able to win the suit. They need to  prove that what you wrote is a lie and often this is very difficult to do. When writing memoir, in either the short or long form, the best advice is to be as honest as possible. As I mentioned in last week’s blog, our memories are not reliable and they tend to play tricks on us.

If Frey would have just written a caveat in the beginning of his book attesting to this, chances are he would have not received all the negative PR that he did. Most memoir instructors, myself included, will tell you that often times, the act of writing will help you remember and that’s why I am such an advocate of keeping a journal. It is a place to practice your writing. In her book, Fearless Confessions, my colleague, Sue William Silverman coined a term, ‘memory truth,’ where she identifies memories as completely subjective. She says, “While it’s not acceptable to make up facts willy-nilly when writing about your life, it is acceptable to convey your individual version of events—your memory-truth.” I cannot agree more with this sentiment. This is great advice,  particularly if you have already decided to head down the road to writing your memoir.