Archive for the 'Memoir' Category

Telling Personal Stories

Published on January 9, 2012 in Author Blog, Baby Boomers, Creative Nonfiction, Depression, Huffington Post, Memoir, writer blog, writing, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling.

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When I was in grade school I wanted to be a writer and one of the first things my English teacher told me was that to be a good writer you must be a good reader. Since that day, I have been a lover of books and have some ever-lasting visual memories of my mother taking me to the library and coming home with a stack of books piled all the way up to my chin.

My preference has always been to read real stories written by real people doing real things. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “No matter where you begin, read anything for five hours a day and you will soon be knowing.” My parents used to tell me that “knowledge is power,” and after having survived World War II and having lost most of their possessions as a result, they believed that knowledge was something that could not be taken away from you.

While growing up and through my teen years, I devoured biographies. I enjoyed compelling stories about spiritual journeys and also about other teens adjusting to the trials and tribulations of adolescence. Later, when my daughter got mixed up in a bad crowd, I sought stories written by other parents to help me cope with raising a strong-minded and rebellious adolescent. I even wrote a few of my own stories on the subject. When faced with cancer, I read cancer survivor stories. All these stories helped me navigate difficult times. Reading and learning about people in similar situations helped me realize that I was not alone in my journey.
The ringing in of a new year is a good time to come to grips with what might have plagued us in the previous year.

Journaling is a good way to do this, and another way is to read and hear the voices of others who have been in similar difficult situations. This was my impetus for compiling with co-editor, Jim Brown, my forthcoming anthology, Writers on The Edge: 22 Writers Discuss Dependency and Depression. As renowned author Jerry Stahl states in the foreword, “Open to any piece in this collection, and the scalding, unflinching, overwhelming truths within will shine light on places most people never look.” In fact these are the places many people want to visit – the dark places which are the most difficult to face. Many of us have experienced or at least been exposed to someone with an addiction or depression and the writers in this collection share their stories with honesty and candor. Some write as a cathartic exercise, while at the same time helping others through their own tenuous times. These short essays, confessions, or mini-memoirs share the author’s emotional truth about their addiction. The stories offer hope and ideas and all have a positive slant discussing addictions such as drugs, alcohol, food, sex, love, and gambling.

Poet Chase Twichell in her essay, “Toys in the Attic,” says, “A poem is a portrait of consciousness. It’s a recording of the motions of a mind in time, a mind communicating to others the experience of its own consciousness. When I read or write a poem, I’m trying to open a window between my mind and the minds of others. Poetry is written for others. But it’s also a study of the self, which is a private kind of work.”
In discussing memoir, William Zinnser in his classic book, Inventing the Truth, says, “Memoir is how we make sense of who we are, who we once were, and what values and heritage shaped us.” In another book, Writing About Your Life, he beautifully states, “We come from a tribe of fallible people, prisoners of our own destructiveness, and we have endured to tell the story without judgment and to get on with our lives.” The authors in Writers on the Edge do just that, whether they were involved in a twelve-step program or used writing as a healing modality—they have all succeeded despite their demons, and lead productive lives.

Reading the stories of others can help you learn about yourself. Discoveries are made, memories are revealed and wisdom is shared. Memoir writers courageously face the issues of their pasts and they can serve as role models for all of us. Their stories can provide an understanding of the inner workings of different types of people. Sometimes hearing someone else’s transformative story can inspire you to write your own, keeping in mind that the best writers allow the reader to formulate their own conclusion about the dark places that they or loved ones visit.

Please make your comments here and on where this article was originally published:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-m-raab/the-power-of-personal-sto_b_1187170.html

Have a super week!
Diana

Autobiographical Fiction vs. Fictional Memoirs

Published on August 30, 2011 in autobiographies, Creative Nonfiction, Institute of Transpersonal Psychology and Memoir.

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One of the most common questions from my students is, “How do you decide if you should write a memoir or a novel?” The answer may not always be cut and dry, but experience has taught me that most writers know the answer before they actually pose the question and are just looking for some sort of validation. If they do not know before starting out, then they quickly learn during the writing process. For example, if they find themselves making things up and/or have a vivid imagination, then they should consider writing a novel.

A fictional memoir generally focuses on an actual story, time or event in the writer’s life, but also incorporates enough fiction or fictional technique. An autobiographical novel is a type of novel which merges autobiographical and fictional techniques. In this instance, the names and places in the book are typically changed and events are recreated to give the story more of a dramatic arc. In other words, the events in the author’s life may be altered and thus the writer uses his or her “fictional license.”

Although the terms, “Autobiographical Fiction” and “Fictional Memoirs” are relatively new, the genre is not. It has a rich tradition and has been a good alternative for those who have a story to tell and who want to use a genre that is more accommodating than a traditional memoir. Using these genres which openly utilize fiction techniques helps to avoid what some writers call CYS Memoirs or ‘cover your ass memoirs’ where in the preface the author explains his/her creative process and excuse themselves from being blamed for anything mentioned the book.

The elements used in creating a compelling memoir and works of fiction are similar. They both use drama, conflict, dialogue, scene and descriptive detail. Another vital element of the memoir is the importance of identifying special moments. A moment is the basic unit of dramatic structure, sort of analogous to the scene in fiction. In general, a memoir moves forward by the writer exploring all the important moments in their life and this is done through reflections/thought-processes revolving around the book’s theme or focus.

When all the moments are listed on the page, the writer can figure out what in the situation or character has changed from the beginning to the end of the story, sometimes a special truth or revelation might have emerged. The reader gets the essence of the revelation from reading the writer’s reflections.

Focus is critical to memoir and highlighting important moments that move the story forward. This is done by providing all the details of the moment, including the emotions in a given situation. Diving deep into life’s special moments using all the senses allows the reader to become engaged in the story.

An example of a fictional memoir is True at First Light by Ernest Hemingway that was his last unpublished work after his return from Kenya in 1953. In this book he muses on the act of writing and the author’s role in determining the truth. In other words, what is fact and what is fiction. I recently discovered this book and highly recommend it.

Some Other Fictional Memoirs include:

Lying: A Metaphorical Memoir by Lauren Slater
It’s me, Eddie: A Fictional Memoir by Edward Limonov
Grace by Robert Ward
The Professor’s Daughter by R. Igor Gamow
Sylvia by Leonard Michaels
I, Joaquin by Melvin Litton
Deeper Water by Michael W. Boyd
Alzmek: The Fictional Memoir of a Tainted Life by R.M. Guzman
I Mary, Daughter of Israel by Jacqueline Severia Hure
Chain of Fools by Charles B. Sobczak

Compelling Confessions

Published on June 27, 2011 in Author Blog, Creative Nonfiction, Memoir and Writing for healing.

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This past week I taught a workshop at the Santa Barbara Writers’ Conference called “From Notebook to Memoir.”

http://www.sbwriters.com/

For the most part, the workshop emphasized how to use the scribblings in your notebooks to craft a memoir. In reality, those scribblings include random thoughts, lists and confessions. A well-crafted memoir exhibits a confessional tone and tells the emotional truth of a story. I told my students that often writing about personal experiences can be cathartic and should make us feel good. However, there are times when confessing can hurt and at those times it’s simply best to stop writing and do something else.

A recent article in Spirituality and Health called “Why Confession Feels So Good,” by Peggy La Cerra focused on the confessions one makes in church but it had some salient points to ponder outside of the church setting.

http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/mag
azine/2011-may-june/2011-may-june.html

For example, “Humans across various traditions and cultures have developed rituals that serve the purpose of purging the participants of residual guilt and shame.” For example, those involved in groups such as Weight Watchers and twelve-step programs for addiction, must report their faults, shortcomings and weaknesses to their sponsors; Buddhists report to their superiors; Jews make their confessions to God and atone on holidays like Yom Kippur; Muslims confess to Allah and Christians confess at Church to a minister, pastor or priest and do penance.

These days, many of these practices are being scrutinized and personally I prefer the confessions that go onto the pages of a journal, possibly to be turned into poetry or memoir. I recently picked up a volume on my bookshelf which I had bought years ago called, After Confession: Poetry as Autobiography edited by Kate Sontag & David Graham. The issues with bad confessional poetry are similar to those with bad memoir and this is addressed in the early part of the book. The editor deftly states: “Aesthetically speaking, personal poems can go wrong in many ways: they might indulge in the elevation of trivial or merely uninteresting domestic detail; they might simply whine, recounting; they might ignore important aspects of the world beyond the poet’s doorstep and thus remain cloistered in the prison of self; they might mistake the tawdry or sensational for the boldly honest; and in fact, they might fall anywhere along the deadly spectrum that runs from cocktail-party bore to megalomaniac.”

These are precisely the points I make in my memoir class. I believe the most important point is that in order to craft a compelling memoir, the writer needs to identify a universal truth that their readers can relate to and more times than not, this can be a challenge.

Travel, Walking and Creativity

Published on June 20, 2011 in Author Blog, General Information, Journaling, Memoir, Patricia Fry, writer blog and writing.

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This past weekend I attended an event to celebrate the opening of a new terminal at the Santa Barbara airport. The event was called “The Art of Travel,” and it was a spectacular event with wine tasting and lots of great people-watching. As I approached one of the winery tables featuring a wine tasting the woman serving the table asked me where I was traveling to. She took me by surprise as I forgot for a few moments that I was at the airport and yes, at some point in the near future I would be traveling somewhere. “Let’s see,” I said, “always wanted to go to Ireland and Peru, so one of those places.” The woman paused and poured me a glass of wine and with a smile wished me a safe trip. I walked away and ruminated on the possibilities.

When I arrived home, I was inspired to glance at the travel section of The New York Times on my Ipad. There was a review about a new book called The Tao of Travel by Paul Theroux. It seems to be a philosophical book on travel, which I might have to pick up the next time I consider travel writing. The review discussed how writer Thoreau maintained his health and spirit by sauntering four hours a day. In this book Paul Theroux explored walking as a means of travel, although many of us don’t necessarily equate walking with a form of travel, it really is.

I began to ponder my own passion for walking and hiking and how it began. First, on the streets of Paris, where my grandfather took me each Christmas holiday, and also on the hills of New York State on hikes with my mother. These days, I continue my passion on beach walks with my dog and also on the tread mill at the gym. It seems life is all about evolution, transformation and revision.

I thought the book reviewer posed a pertinent question—why do people not think of walking as a form of travel? He quoted poet Philip Larkin who said “travel is a deliberate step backwards.” In other words it creates a new objective or homecoming and I could not agree more.

Many years ago, Patricia Fry wrote an article called “Meditation Walking for Writers,” where she suggested a walking meditation technique to help if you’re stuck in your writing. The technique is simple. The first step is to establish a schedule, anywhere between forty-five and sixty minutes each day. Dress comfortably and find a quiet place to walk. Fry suggests that while walking focusing solely only your senses—hear the sound of your shoes hitting the pavement, a sprinkler turning on, or the birds chirping. She then suggests feeling the air against your skin and how the muscles in your legs tighten with each step. Pay attention to the aromas, whether it’s the blooming flowers, budding trees or grass being cut. In other words, put yourself in the moment.

Beth Baruch Joselow in her book, Writing Without the Muse, also suggests in her chapter “Go Outside,” to explore the outdoors and discover something unfamiliar—something growing in your garden, something living under a rock, something discarded in the alley. She suggests bringing that something back to your desk to examine all its facets. She recommends writing a description of it using all your senses. She takes the exercise one step further and suggests describing the item using someone else’s voice, someone you know.

Once you try these mind-clearing techniques, you can start allowing creative ideas to filter in. Fry claims that meditation walks provide an ideal arena for problem-solving. When she feels overwhelmed, she walks to change her approach to life, whether it results in slowing down or figuring out what to do next. She suggests replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. If you think positively, then chances are it will soon become a reality.
Meditation walking is a way to relax and increase your awareness while getting some of that fresh air and exercise we all need and who knows, the side effect might be a fabulous poem or story!

National Poetry Month – Molly Peacock: A Glimpse

Published on April 25, 2011 in Author Blog, Memoir and Poetry.

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Happy Last Week of National Poetry Month

I would like to finish up my posts this month with the esteemed MOLLY PEACOCK:

Molly Peacock is an award-winning, esteemed poet and memoirist who was born in Buffalo, New York. She attended Harpur College in Binghamton and Johns Hopkins. She lives with her husband, Michael Groden, a James Joyce scholar in Toronto, Canada. She teaches in Spalding University’s Low-Residency Master of Fine Arts Program. I met Molly while working on my MFA there and she is now a dear friend. I have been honored to have her participate on some of my panels at AWP. She is intelligent, vibrant and has a wonderful sense of humor.

Molly’s poems have been published in numerous literary magazines including, the New Yorker, the Paris Review and the Times Literary Supplement, to name a few. She has held many prestigious positions, including President of the Poetry Society of America. In this capacity she began “Poetry in Motion,” a program that installs poetry placards on public transportation in cities across the country.

In case that resume is not a long enough, Molly is also an actress and has performed in a one-woman staged monologue in poems, “The Shimmering Verge,” shown in theaters across The United States and Canada.

Molly has published six books of poetry and three nonfiction books, Paradise, Piece By Piece and How To Read A Poem And Start A Poetry Circle. Her most recent book, just released this month, is an amazing biography called, The Paper Garden: Mrs. Delany Begins Her Life’s Work at 72.

To give a fair glimpse of Molly, I would like to honor both her poetry and most recent biography. Here is one of my favorite Molly Peacock poem:

Altruism
by Molly Peacock

What if we got outside ourselves and there
really was an outside out there, not just
our insides turned inside out? What if there
really were a you beyond me, not just
the waves off my own fire, like those waves off
the backyard grill you can see the next yard through,
though not well — just enough to know that off
to the right belongs to someone else, not you.
What if, when we said I love you, there were
a you to love as there is a yard beyond
to walk past the grill and get to? To endure
the endless walk through the self, knowing through a bond
that has no basis (for ourselves are all we know)
is altruism: not giving, but coming to know
someone is there through the wavy vision
of the self’s heat, love become a decision.

I don’t know where to begin discussing Molly’s latest book, The Paper Garden: Mrs. Delany Begins Her Life’s Work at 72. It is one of the most powerful and compelling books I have read in a very long time. As someone who has always been fascinated by muses and role models, I was particularly drawn to the subject matter and Molly’s poetic flair made this book extremely captivating and poignant.

Molly believes that we are on the continual search for role models, which is one of the many reasons she was drawn to Mrs. Delany. When she finally discovered Mrs. Delany, she was immediately drawn to her, even though they never met. Molly became familiar with Mrs. Delany’s work twenty years before she wrote the book. As she unfolds Mrs. Delany’s life and her masterful paper cuts, she noticed many similar mosaics and parallels to her own life. Aside from the story sharing the similarities in these two women’s lives, the book is crafted as a memoir and biography, weaving in Molly’s life as poet coupled with her wise philosophies about life.

There is much wisdom throughout this book. Molly spoke about her life as a poet and how it helped her navigate some rough waters of her youth. “Poetry,” she said, “tamed me from the outside in.” The book is printed on glossy paper with amazing photographs of Mrs. Delany’s art, preventing any writing in the book’s margins, as is my normal practice. Instead I took copious notes in my journal. Here are some tidbits to share:

• “Compliments aren’t superficial—they are the foundation of recognition of who we are in life.”

• “You might not be able to draw a conclusion from what overwhelms you, but if you describe it, you will come to know it. And when you come to know it, you are less afraid of it. And when you are no longer afraid, you have balance. And when you have balance, you have the poise that is control.”

The Paper Garden has already received stellar reviews. For example, the Washington Post deftly states on the book jacket, “Whatever the subject, rich music follows the tap of Molly Peacock’s baton.” I could not agree more.

Intriguing Ancestors – A Journaling Idea

Published on March 21, 2011 in Author Blog, Journaling, Journals, Memoir, writer blog, writing and Writing, journaling.

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A few weeks ago I was asked to write a blog entry on Red Room about my most intriguing relative. Coming from a family of interesting characters, my choices were many, but I decided to write on my grandmother, Regina. Below is my entry, and I would also like to hear from you. Who is your most intriguing ancestor?

As the daughter in a family who immigrated in the 1930s from Europe, I have a slew of very interesting ancestors. If I had to pick one to highlight, it would be my grandmother, Regina. I actually studied her life in great depth for my memoir, REGINA’S CLOSET: FINDING MY GRANDMOTHER’S SECRET JOURNAL (Beaufort Books, 2007).

At the age of twelve, Regina was orphaned in Poland during World War I. Her mother, who she had to identify on the infirmary’s floor, died of cholera and her father, who could not handle the loss, died shortly thereafter. Regina was left to care for herself and her younger, then ten-year-old sister, as both of her older brothers fled to Austria. Losing both her parents caused Regina to grow up quickly. She continued to go to school while holding down a number of part-time jobs.

She later decided to move to Vienna to be near her brothers. She was able to work part-time in banks but all along her true passion was to become a doctor. However, she did not have the emotional or financial support to get into medical school. While still working at the bank, she decided to attend modeling school. This was where she met her husband, Samuel.

They married, and had one daughter, Eva, my mother. In 1937, just before World War II broke out, the three of them emigrated to the United States. She raised Eva and worked in Sam’s retail store. With her continuing passion for medicine, she decided many years later, in the early 1950s, to write a letter to the NYU Department of Medicine for admission. They immediately turned her away because she was a woman and she did not have any financial support. Regina continued to work at Sam’s retail store while still lacking an intellectual challenge.
At the time of my birth in 1954, she decided she wanted to become my caretaker because my mother wanted to work full-time. When I turned ten and started to show signs of independence, she no longer felt needed. The torments of her childhood were still deeply imbedded in her and these torments, coupled with my independence, resulted in her suicide in 1964.

Many years later and about the time my parents moved out of my childhood home, we discovered her journal. It was a retrospective journal depicting her life in Europe and being orphaned during World War I. This was the basis of Regina’s Closet. While writing the book, I realized the important role she played in my life as a writer. During the time when she took care of me, she taught me to write stories on her Remington typewriter which was perched on the vanity in her room. After reading her journal, I also realized that I had inherited her journaling gene, because for years, journaling has also been my passion. For all this and more I thank my amazing and intriguing grandmother.

What Story Do We Tell ?

Published on January 31, 2011 in Author Blog, autobiographies, book genre, Creative Nonfiction, fiction, General Information, Memoir, Memory, Passions and Writing for healing.

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Whether you write fiction, nonfiction or poetry, there’s no doubt you have a unique story to tell from your very own perspective. For many writers, reliving and retelling childhood stories are common platforms for their work. We often reflect on those times because they were filled with pain, joy or unanswered questions.

Though we might have a sense of what story we need to tell, once in a while we get stumped. Many writers say their best story ideas come to mind when they’re not sitting at their desk ‘working,’ but rather when they’re out and about. It’s important to remain alert to those special moments in everyday life—odd discoveries and chance remarks made by others in social, work or casual settings.

My typical day begins with reading the news. An article or story might spark my interest, which drives me to surf the web for more information. If I am in the middle of another project, I will toss the idea into my “Writing Ideas,” folder which contains stories I hope to tell one day. Whether I get to writing them or not is another topic, the important thing is to have that folder as a back-up for those days when my well runs dry.

In addition to the “Writing Ideas” folder here are some questions to ask yourself which might also lead to new stories:

1) What’s going through your head?
2) Who are your villains? Who are your heroes?
3) What are you obsessed by?
4) What inspires you?
5) Where are you in your life now?
6) What stories are you compelled to read?

Whatever you choose to write, you will soon realize that the creative journey is similar to life’s journey—unpredictable, unstructured, mysterious and laden with miracles.

In her book, Negotiating With the Dead: A Writer on Writing (2002), Margaret Atwood says, “Writing has to do with darkness, and a desire or perhaps a compulsion to enter it, and, with luck, to illuminate it, and to bring something back out into the light.”

In Writing (1993) Marguerite Duras says, “Finding yourself in a hole, at the bottom of a hole, in almost total solitude, and discovering that only writing can save you. To be without the slightest subject for a book, the slightest idea for a book, is to find yourself, once again, before a book. A vast emptiness. A possible book. Before nothing. Before something like living, naked writing, like something terrible, terrible to overcome.”

Sometimes the stories we choose to write help us to learn more about know ourselves and to figure out the world around us. Oftentimes, it is about making a discovery. Even our darkest—or unknown—thoughts, memories and fears, can transform themselves to reveal value and meaning for us in our lives now. And with any luck, for others as well!

Writing About Difficult Subjects in Memoir

Published on August 16, 2010 in Author Blog, autobiographies, Creative Nonfiction, General Information, Healing With Words, inspiration, Memoir, Memory, writer blog, writing, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

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Writing memoir can be viewed as a sort of literary alchemy. It is one way to transform your unpleasant past into an art form. This exercise can be cathartic, painful and confusing—things to be aware of before setting down this path. Many people believe they have a story to share but have trouble deciding whether to actually write about it. I say, if the story feels like a knot in your stomach, then it is something you should write whether it’s for publication or not. If there is an internal yanking and feeling that you cannot go to your grave leaving this story untold. That’s pretty much how I felt when writing my two memoirs, Regina’s Closet and Healing With Words.

When you finally decide to tell your story, you should know that it may not be easy getting down to the emotional truth of your subject matter. Sometimes it’s much easier to skirt the deep dark traumas of our past and write about the glossy and lighter events which shaped us.

Yet, writing about trauma can be life-changing for both you and your reader. My advice is to be brave and it will pay off.  Your first draft should be raw and long. Remember to be simple in your thoughts. Tell the truth and be straightforward. You can edit in subsequent drafts. If you have endured difficult times, the good news is that you have survived well enough to be able to write about them.

In my reading on how other writers have coped with writing about difficult subject matter. Many writers suggest not to throw yourself a pity party on the page, but instead, focus on writing the facts. Leave the reader to make their own decisions. In general, readers don’t like the narrative to whine. It is a turn-off and ineffective, however, there is also nothing wrong with letting the reader feel uncomfortable. In fact, if they are, they might be inspired to write their own painful story. This would be a plus for everyone involved.

Many people continue to be haunted by painful wounds of childhood and writing has a tendency to set people free from the shackles. Some might try to write their memoir in the third person in an attempt to remove or distance themselves from the story, but more often than not, however, this does not work because the immediacy is often lost.

Some people ask how they can protect themselves and remain ‘sane,’ while writing their painful story. My answer varies depending upon the person. Psychotherapy might be the answer for you or having someone trustworthy you can talk to on a regular basis, whether it’s an editor or dear friend. It’s good to have someone to call in time of need, just for inspiration or to prod you along—someone to tell that you “can do it.” Some people lean towards writing groups for support, although I have never personally found them helpful, as often times instead of supporting one another’s literary works, participants use the forum to  destructively criticize one another’s work.

Art Spiegelman, the author of the graphic memoir, The Complete Maus: A Survivor’s Tale, says to protect himself from the pain of his past, he wears a bicycle helmet so that when he hits his head against the wall it doesn’t hurt so much. This reminds me of a fiction workshop I once took at the University of the Iowa where Jonis Agee suggested we wear masks while writing. This was a great way to become someone else.

In summary, if a subject is scary or feels dangerous the best thing to do is just write and deal with the post-traumatic stress situation afterwards. Sometimes when you write what you remember about an event, it is one way of separating yourself from it. In a way, you gain a sense of control over your old memory.

Finding Focus

Published on July 26, 2010 in Author Blog, Creative Nonfiction, Health, Health and Wellness, Memoir, Musings, Spirituality, writer blog and writing. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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The last time I discussed finding focus was in my memoir workshop in Ventura, California.  What I want to talk about here, however, is how to find focus in our daily life. Whether you are an author, artist, health care worker, therapist, esthetician, painter, publicist, scientist, developer, entrepreneur, grower, parent or senior citizen, it’s an important skill to have.

We all might have our own ways of slowing down and finding a peace of mind. For me, regular meditation definitely helps. Even though some may be under the illusion that regular meditation practice is complicated, it’s really not. All you need is patience, time and a technique that works for you. I began my practice in the 1970s with Mahareshi Yogi and I have tried many different disciplines over the years. What I learned is that the most important thing is consistency.

The recent issue of Yoga At Home Magazine — http://www.yogajournal.com —  a great article called, “Peace of Mind” by Janice Gates where she shared some ways to help you get your mind to focus. In combination with sharing my own ideas about the practice, I would like to mention some of the tips she offered.

Many who meditate do so regularly. Some prefer meditating early in the morning as a nice way to begin the day, while others might do it at the end of their yoga practice. If you have young children or other early morning commitments, it may be more challenging to find a slot of time which will work for you, but surely you can make it happen.

Personally, I like beginning my day with meditation before the busyness sets in. After identifying the best time of day for you, the next thing to do is to find a place where you will not be disturbed. It’s best to sit on a cushion on the floor, but a chair with a back will also work. It is important to have a quiet place. Close your eyes and cross your legs in Indian fashion. While seated, check in with yourself to see how you are feeling emotionally and physically. Some practitioners suggest making an intention for each meditation, such as cultivating calm, happiness and health. Remember, the more regularly you meditate, the easier the practice will become.

Next, the challenge is to train your  mind to focus and stay in the moment. It is perfectly normal for your mind to wander, but to stay focused try to bring your attention back to your breath. Let your thoughts come to you and with each breath, let them float away like a cloud. If you still have difficulty focusing, try counting your breaths. For example, inhale, then say the number “one” and then exhale and say the number “two.” Do this all the way up to ten and then start over again.

Another way to stay focused is with the use of a mantra or chant. When I studied transcendental mediation we were each given a personal mantra, but really, you can just repeat any word or sound in your head. Some people repeat the word “shanty,” which means peace, over and over again.

Another way to focus is to use a burning candle. Place the candle on a table near where you are meditating –preferably about two feet away. Without blinking, stare at the flame for about one minute. Then close your eyes and imagine the flame in the area of your third eye (the space between your eyebrows).

If you are the type of person who has difficulty sitting still, you might consider a an outdoor walking meditation. In walking meditation, the idea is to focus on each step you take. Notice how the ground feels beneath your feet. Whenever your mind wanders, bring it back to your feet like you did bringing it back to your breath. After you’ve done this for a while then bring your attention to your surroundings; notice the colors and textures of nature.

In summary, it takes time to develop and perfect a new habit like meditation. So as Janice Gates suggests, be patient with yourself. Start with five or ten minutes a day and if you are able, gradually increase to forty-five minutes.

Writing a Compelling Memoir

Published on July 19, 2010 in Author Blog, breast cancer, Creativity, Depression, Healing With Words, Health, Journaling, Memoir, Memory, writer blog, writing, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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On Saturday, I participated in a panel at the Ventura Book Festival called, “Writing a Compelling Memoir.” For those who were unable to attend, here are some highlights from presentation:

Abigail Thomas, in her book, Thinking About Memoir, says that writing a memoir is about keeping your eyes, ears and heart open. It’s about letting your mind open up and wander and about letting one thing lead to another.

Many people are driven to write memoir as a result of pain, loss or trauma. But when considering publication, one question you must ask is, “who cares?” Why would people want to read your book? You must have something to share which is universal. The impetus for writing my first memoir, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal (http://www.amazon.com/Reginas-Closet-Finding-Grandmothers-Journal/dp/0825305756/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279570174&sr=1-1) was to explore the motivation behind my grandmother’s suicide. It’s not that I was contemplating suicide, but after my first diagnosis I became depressed. I knew that my grandmother battled the same demon and I wanted to understand how she dealt with it. I also wondered if maybe she too had cancer and took her life because of the stigma associated with the disease in the 1960s. In the end, I learned that she did not have cancer, but never fully healed from the traumas she encountered as an orphan in Poland during World War I.

The way in which you begin your memoir, depends upon your story. An effective way is to begin by writing about a transformational moment in your life. For Regina’s Closet, I wrote about the day I found my grandmother dead. This became the book’s opening scene. In Healing With Words, (http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Words-writers-cancer-journey/dp/1615990100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279569966&sr=8-1), I began by describing what I thought would be a routine annual mammogram, but which ended up being a breast cancer diagnosis. This became that book’s opening scene.

According to Lee Gutkind in his book, Keep it Real, “scenes are the primary building blocks of creative nonfiction. They are little stories, episodes, anecdotes or other opportunities for the creative nonfiction writer to be artful and use all the literary techniques available to fiction writers, such as dialogue, description, action and suspense.”

When identifying a scene remember that something must happen. There must be a beginning, middle and end and a bunch of things that happen in between in order to have the building blocks for the story.

From a broader perspective, here are eight tips on writing a compelling memoir:

1) Find the memoir’s focus

2) Find the memoir’s structure

3) Show don’t tell

4) Use a compelling voice

5) Create compelling scenes

6) Use reflection and musings

7) Use fictional technique

8) Write your emotional truth

In summary, many people write memoir not necessarily because they want to write one, but more often because they have a story which they need to tell, either to find an answer to a mysterious question or to make some sense of a situation. Writing is a journey like no other. Whatever  one’s motive is for reason for writing a memoir, it will surely be a rewarding experience!