Archive for the 'Depression' Category

Writing Is Cheaper Than Therapy

My colleagues and I would not be the first writers who write to dissipate pain. For example, D.H. Lawrence sat at his mother’s bedside and while she was dying, he wrote poems about her, and an early draft of Sons and Lovers, his novel which explored their complicated, loving, painful and close relationship. Marcel Proust wrote Remembrance of Things Past while sick in bed with asthma. Flannery O’Connor wrote some of her best stories while dying from lupus.

May Sarton and Anaïs Nin wrote in their diaries to pull them through difficult times. In her book, Recovering, May Sarton chronicles her battles with depression and cancer. Anaïs Nin used her journals to address her deranged father who left the family when she was young. Nin’s journal entries became a four-volume collection of published books.

James Pennebaker, the author of Writing to Heal says “Writing dissolves some of the barriers between you and others. If you write, it’s easier to communicate with others.” Pennebaker believes that there’s a certain type of writing which erupts when we’re faced with loss, death, abuse, depression and trauma. He does have one rule that he calls, “the flip out rule,” which proclaims that if you get too upset when writing, then it’s probably best to stop.
Whether affected by change, loss or pain, finding the time and courage to write can support the healing process. Some people prefer to write nonfiction, while others may choose fiction or poetic modalities to help them express their thoughts and feelings. Each writer must choose the genre most compatible with their stories, sensibilities and personalities, choosing what liberates and empowers them. In the end, this is what healing is all about.

A writer friend (thanks KB!) who is an avid reader of this blog, just forwarded me an article from the magazine section of the New York Times (March 23, 2012), called, “Why Talk Therapy is on the Wane and Writing Workshops Are on the Rise,” by Steve Almond. Coincidentally, I met Steve at AWP a number of years ago, where he was on a panel and I remember him not only because his talk was compelling, but because he stood at the side of the podium giving away copies of his newly-release book, an unusual gesture for writers. As the son of two therapists, he truly knows what he is talking about. In this article, he defends writing as a cure, particularly in this boom of memoir and biography and the idea, as he states, that “artists should be forged by the fires of ‘real life.’” Almond is teaching a workshop for those in their 50s and 60s (yes, my age group) and admits that it does not really matter whether they become published writers or not. The important thing is that the students “have found a way to face the toughest truths within themselves, to begin to make sense of them, and maybe even beauty. In a world that feels increasingly impersonal and atomized, I can’t think of a more thrilling mission,” he concludes.

Telling Personal Stories

When I was in grade school I wanted to be a writer and one of the first things my English teacher told me was that to be a good writer you must be a good reader. Since that day, I have been a lover of books and have some ever-lasting visual memories of my mother taking me to the library and coming home with a stack of books piled all the way up to my chin.

My preference has always been to read real stories written by real people doing real things. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “No matter where you begin, read anything for five hours a day and you will soon be knowing.” My parents used to tell me that “knowledge is power,” and after having survived World War II and having lost most of their possessions as a result, they believed that knowledge was something that could not be taken away from you.

While growing up and through my teen years, I devoured biographies. I enjoyed compelling stories about spiritual journeys and also about other teens adjusting to the trials and tribulations of adolescence. Later, when my daughter got mixed up in a bad crowd, I sought stories written by other parents to help me cope with raising a strong-minded and rebellious adolescent. I even wrote a few of my own stories on the subject. When faced with cancer, I read cancer survivor stories. All these stories helped me navigate difficult times. Reading and learning about people in similar situations helped me realize that I was not alone in my journey.
The ringing in of a new year is a good time to come to grips with what might have plagued us in the previous year.

Journaling is a good way to do this, and another way is to read and hear the voices of others who have been in similar difficult situations. This was my impetus for compiling with co-editor, Jim Brown, my forthcoming anthology, Writers on The Edge: 22 Writers Discuss Dependency and Depression. As renowned author Jerry Stahl states in the foreword, “Open to any piece in this collection, and the scalding, unflinching, overwhelming truths within will shine light on places most people never look.” In fact these are the places many people want to visit – the dark places which are the most difficult to face. Many of us have experienced or at least been exposed to someone with an addiction or depression and the writers in this collection share their stories with honesty and candor. Some write as a cathartic exercise, while at the same time helping others through their own tenuous times. These short essays, confessions, or mini-memoirs share the author’s emotional truth about their addiction. The stories offer hope and ideas and all have a positive slant discussing addictions such as drugs, alcohol, food, sex, love, and gambling.

Poet Chase Twichell in her essay, “Toys in the Attic,” says, “A poem is a portrait of consciousness. It’s a recording of the motions of a mind in time, a mind communicating to others the experience of its own consciousness. When I read or write a poem, I’m trying to open a window between my mind and the minds of others. Poetry is written for others. But it’s also a study of the self, which is a private kind of work.”
In discussing memoir, William Zinnser in his classic book, Inventing the Truth, says, “Memoir is how we make sense of who we are, who we once were, and what values and heritage shaped us.” In another book, Writing About Your Life, he beautifully states, “We come from a tribe of fallible people, prisoners of our own destructiveness, and we have endured to tell the story without judgment and to get on with our lives.” The authors in Writers on the Edge do just that, whether they were involved in a twelve-step program or used writing as a healing modality—they have all succeeded despite their demons, and lead productive lives.

Reading the stories of others can help you learn about yourself. Discoveries are made, memories are revealed and wisdom is shared. Memoir writers courageously face the issues of their pasts and they can serve as role models for all of us. Their stories can provide an understanding of the inner workings of different types of people. Sometimes hearing someone else’s transformative story can inspire you to write your own, keeping in mind that the best writers allow the reader to formulate their own conclusion about the dark places that they or loved ones visit.

Please make your comments here and on where this article was originally published:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-m-raab/the-power-of-personal-sto_b_1187170.html

Have a super week!
Diana

The Full Moon’s Effects

We have all heard that the full moon can affect human behavior and this past week’s full moon (June 15th), had a huge affect on me. I particularly recall the effects of the full moon from my days practicing as a registered nurse and the number of patients we admitted into the hospital during and around the full moon; often for baby deliveries and other ailments.

I’m not quite sure why this most recent full moon had such a dramatic affect on me. It seemed to last three or four days. During that time, I was energetic and the most discerning part was that no matter how tired I was at night I was unable to fall asleep. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling even though I avoided coffee late in the day.

The full moon represents fertility, celebration and a sense of completion. It has a tendency to give us an energy surge and also heightens our emotions. It is already known that the full moon increases the concentration of positive ions in the atmosphere resulting in both positive and negative effects which might . fluctuations in hormonal balance, hyperactivity, increased creativity, depression, road rage and migraines.

For the most part, people are affected by this increase in positive ions, while few people are affected by negative ions. Increased positive ions tends to cause an increase in serotonin in the way that anti-depressants do. For those of us who live in California, winds such as the Santa Ana winds also release positive ions in the atmosphere. So if you feel good during those winds then that might be why!

Research has shown that creative individuals, such as writers, who are working on a particular project may find that they are likely to get more ideas and thoughts pertaining to their project, creativity and writing These types of thoughts will arise out of the creative part of our brains.
During the full moon days, some people believe that their spiritual thoughts are also heightened because Spirituality lies in the sub-conscious part of the mind.

So what suggestions do I have for the full moon time of the month? From my readings, I concur that you should not fight this wonderful energy surge by taking medications or by using other crutches, but rather, try to embrace the energy and use it to your advantage. Stay up late and create. Go with the flow of what you are feeling. Write in your journal about what happened during the past month and what you might have accomplished or thought about. Think about what you want to do different in the coming month. Some people also recommend taking care of yourself in other ways during the full moon, such as eating wholesome foods, such as soups and eating more fresh fruits and vegetables.

Since you have no idea what affects the full moon will have on you, it has been suggested that you refrain from making any major decisions during the days surrounding the full moon.

To prepare you, here are the upcoming full moon dates for the remaining months of 2011:

August 13
September 12
October 12
November 10
December 10

Namaste,
Diana

The New Psychoanalysis

The New Psychoanalysis

In the 1960s my grandmother was depressed and eventually committed suicide because she could no longer live with the torment of her life as an orphan following World War I (see Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal, 2007). Back in the1960s no one suggested she see a psychotherapist. Those appointments were primarily reserved for the ‘real’ mentally ill, ‘crazy, or dysfunctional persons. The best her family doctor could offer was a prescription valium. In the end, it was this prescription which she used to end her life. In reality, this form of treatment was a band aid rather than a solution. Thankfully, now nearly fifty years later, this is no longer the case—therapy is suggested to those with all sorts of problems.

Chances are you or someone you know has had therapy. If you live in places such as California (like me), you might even find yourself discussing your intimate therapy sessions with friends at a cocktail party – something still frowned upon in other parts of the country.

In the June 2011 issue of Psychology Today, writer Mary Knight Raskin explores the trends in analysis and how psychotherapy, as developed by Sigmund Freud, recently celebrated its 100th anniversary. She discusses the benefits of therapy and how it can help a person go from leading a dysfunctional to a functional lifestyle.

She uses the example of writer, Gary Shteyngart, author of three best-selling novels. Prior to his writing career, the author’s life was in a state of major dysfunction. The chaos began at the age of seven, when he and his family immigrated from Leningrad to New York City. Being uplifted from his homeland left a deep scar on the young man, resulting in feelings of alienation and depression. In his twenties the feelings got so intense that he embarked on the journey of psychoanalysis with success as it lead to a productive writing career.

Over the years, experts realized that a lot happens in the subconscious part of our minds. Although there have been changes in how psychotherapy has been practiced since its inception a century ago, the basic premise as to what makes us tick has not changed. For example, the role of the unconscious mind is still strong and it is still believed that childhood experiences create a template for adult behavior. Talking about these experiences (in moderation) can lead to a greater understanding of the adult self, helping us figure out why we do what we do and how we can be a better person as a result. Understanding these experiences and behaviors can lead to positive changes and potential enlightenment.

Remember that we are a complex and multi-layered species. Chances are a single perspective or therapy will not provide enough information or ideas to foster significant change. In the end it is a combination of modalities which can help us become our best selves.

Keeping Time : 150 Years of Journaling

A few years back I submitted some very personal journal entries to a proposed anthology. I was delighted to hear that Keeping Time: 150 years of Journal Writing edited by Mary Azrael and Kendra Kopelke was recently published. This is a rare collection of journal entries all under one cover. As the editors state in their poignant introduction, “For many people, journal writing is a private activity, spontaneous and revealing, not intended for an audience of strangers.” But these editors did a stellar job of putting together 37 wonderful pieces with subjects ranging from everyday life parental issues, raising children, nature, travel, health and historical events. “Keeping Time,” they go on to say, “stands as witness to the times spanning from our great grandparents to today. It opens a way into our history at its most intimately and sincerely felt, and expands our sense of what a notebook can do to connect us more fully to our lives.”

My submission represented the year 2001, and I have posted it below:

I have been keeping a journal since the age of ten. Over the years, my journal has been my friend and confidant to help me through difficult times. I strongly believe in the powerful healing qualities of the written word.
Today, I teach journaling to breast cancer survivors and high-risk teens. During my breast cancer journey, writing became my lifeline and a way to give voice to my deepest feelings.

The following is an excerpt from my memoir/self-help book, HEALING WITH WORDS: A WRITER’S CANCER JOURNEY.

August 22 (one-day post-op)
I wake up in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) today and Simon sits beside me holding my hand. One part of me wants to look down at the hospital gown covering this corset-like gauze bandage around my chest. Yet another part of me is scared out of my mind. The nurse helps me to the bathroom and I avoid the mirror as if it holds the most dreaded secret. I want to rip it off the bathroom wall. I never want to see myself naked. While walking back to bed, I look over at Simon and begin sobbing with no respite. I know in my heart that one day soon I will have to look at my chest. My hope is that my plastic surgeon will make all the necessary explanations. I am happy that the surgery is behind me, but now I must begin preparing to walk down an even more arduous road. I must get used to the new me.

August 23
Today my mood oscillates back and forth. One moment I want to touch my newly-created breast and the next minute I never want to see it. I am pleased that the reconstruction was done immediately following the mastectomy. After breakfast, I pulled the nurse’s cord to help me sit up. I am terribly sore from being in one position. By the time she arrives moments later, I have already changed my mind. I put my hand over my right breast and feel nothing. I do the same on the left. I can only feel the slight pressure of my hand. How will I ever get used to having no sensations. My right nipple had always been more sensitive than and easily stimulated than my left, but now there is a sense of nothingness, numbness, a void.

Today the nurse removed the bandage around my chest. I looked the other way while crying into my pillow. I felt nothing. My plastic surgeon said some sensations might eventually return, but never again could I become sexually aroused on my right side. So, I have two breasts, but really only one. My sensations have been severed forever. Never again would I experience that sublime tingling when Simon runs his fingers over my rather large nipple—never again on that side. Never could I experience the joy and tingles from let-down reflex when my babies sucked for the first time. I loved that sensation which permeated my soul and brought me such joy.

August 27
The books I have read, and my nursing experience warned me that depression is common following many surgeries, particularly breast surgery, because of the huge psychological component of losing a breast. I should be optimistic because my breast surgeon says that the cancer has been removed. He says I am lucky that it did not spread into my lymph nodes. Yes, this is a true blessing, but there are moments when this is not enough to console me. My father taught me to look at the glass half full and not half empty. I’m trying. Really trying. But, this entire event has been surreal. My defenses are stripped. I have no strength left in my body except for the weeping. Tears flow like an endless river. They pour out without warning and dry up without notice.

August 28
I look around me and see all the technology. I think of my husband, an engineer, and how people like himself have made mine and so many others’ survival possible. He is a fixer. On so many other occasions he wants to quickly make everything better for me. His smile and touch are so healing. He has so much power, but he cannot bring my breast back to me. He says he wishes he had a magical wand to make me feel better. I tell him that the wand was discarded the day it brought him into my life. One person cannot be bestowed with any more luck than me. He implores me to think positively.

Sometimes life is not so simple. I don’t want to say this to him because he tries so hard to soothe me. It’s still early in my post-operative period, but I already feel physically and emotionally changed and drained. In some ways it is easier being far from home. My predicament somehow seems clearer and my mind less distracted by familiar surroundings.

September 3
Today I am nearly two weeks post-op. I do not feel any better emotionally than the day they rolled me out of the cold and sterile operating room. My emotional strength is barely returning. I still get teary-eyed for no obvious reason. This morning, the nurses bathed me. They helped me to the chair where I tried reading a magazine, but my mind wandered. Everything makes me cry, even glancing at the latest hairstyles in the magazine. I feel trapped inside this body that I don’t know anymore.

Here’s what I look like. On my right side is a drainage tube tucked into a hole beneath my mastectomy site. On the same side, another tube leads to the incision in my back where they have removed the muscle and tissue to cup my saline implants. The tube leads to this thing that looks like a hand grenade which dangles from my side. This grenade drains the blood from my wounds, but I think it does the same from my heart. It needs to be emptied three times each day. It’s gross and yet another reminder of my missing breast. When we go to dinner at the hotel’s restaurant, the only thing I can wear are baggy men’s shirts to hide my tube and stupid grenade.

Getting up and going to the bathroom is such an ordeal. I need at least ten minutes to prepare for the departure from my bed. Getting all the wires organized is truly a monumental task. I cannot lean on my back; the drainage tube sticks straight out. I cannot lean on my right side—another tube. They hurt like hell. There are no more comfortable positions left for me. Jeannine [mother-in-law] asked if I have been writing. She must be kidding! I have so much to write about, but I cannot focus. My mind wanders beyond belief. Life is fuzzy and not even eyeglasses can help. I am just plain frustrated. I can only muster these few words and even these exhaust all of my energy.

September 4
Today I will go visit my plastic surgeon. It seems as if the past couple of weeks have been surreal. A thick cloud suspends over me. How did I get here? I was diligent about my annual mammograms and check-ups. On the first day of my menstrual cycle I diligently did self-breast exams in the shower. There is no cancer in my family. Why am I lying here all mutilated?

I have never thought much about cancer, but one thing I know is that if cancer is in your body, you better get it out quickly. Having had reconstructive surgery at the same time as my mastectomy has put my mind at ease. Even though I have refrained from looking at myself naked in the mirror, there was a sense of relief to waking up with a mound on my right side, even if it was not my own breast, but just a sack of saline water.

September 6
I’m trying to take the position that cancer is no longer lurking inside of me. I did have cancer, but it is now all gone. All of it. I don’t like the sound of the term ‘breast cancer.’ People equate cancer with death. I refuse to die.
When I first learned about my breast cancer, I wanted to hear everybody else’s escapades and everyone’s medical sagas. It seems that everyone knows someone who has had breast cancer. This is not surprising since the statistics have now risen to one in eight women. Listening to other people’s stories is boring at times, and at other times scary. Sometimes it’s inspiring to learn that others are less fortunate than me. The woman in the corridor told me about her stage III cancer. Okay, she made me feel lucky, but I just don’t want to be surrounded by negative energy.

I am so afraid that the cancer will come back. I cry about losing the breast and also about having to lose my other one. Crying comes so easily. Sometimes the tears last a few minutes, other times an hour. It all depends.

Keeping Time is available from Amazon at the link below, and it is a wonderful read. I surely hope you take the time to order and read it.

http://www.amazon.com/Keeping-Time-Years-Journal-Writing/dp/0963138545/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297999546&sr=8-1

Balancing Optimism and Pessimism

I have always thought or believed that it is healthier to be an optimist than it is to be a pessimist. An article in the September 2010 issue (http://www.odemagazine.com/doc/of)  of “Ode: For Intelligent Optimists,” called, “No Silver Linings, Please,” says that recently a handful of psychologists think differently about optimism and pessimism. They are saying that, in fact, healthy doses of pessimism may be an important ingredient to overcome  psychological obstacles and the achievement of personal goals.

“Defensive pessimism,” can be employed when you get a book proposal rejected or when you get a cancer diagnosis twice in five years as I did—is a psychological stance that involves accepting the fact that things can go drastically wrong and being able to defensively prepare oneself for any eventuality. In other words this is an offense to achieve a positive outcome.

Thus it is suggested that we not get too elated or joyous when receiving good news. In this way there is less of a chance to be disappointed. In other words, a tinge of pessimism can be the most optimistic thing you can do.

Those living with cancer can react in two ways when given the bad news—they can treat the diagnosis with anger and resentment or turn a negative into a positive. This can be done by framing the disease as a gift to write and share stories to help and inform others in similar situations.

Creative individuals, particularly writers, are typically very hard on themselves and their creative process. They often air on the side of pessimism thinking that their work is not good enough and will be rejected by agents, editors and publishers. The positive side of this is that those who are in a negative frame of mind tend to be more alert to their surroundings compared to those who are in positive states of mind. Being alert to one’s surroundings is a vital characteristic for the writer. Perhaps in certain situations, a healthy dose of pessimism can be advantageous. In other words, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst!

Writing a Compelling Memoir

On Saturday, I participated in a panel at the Ventura Book Festival called, “Writing a Compelling Memoir.” For those who were unable to attend, here are some highlights from presentation:

Abigail Thomas, in her book, Thinking About Memoir, says that writing a memoir is about keeping your eyes, ears and heart open. It’s about letting your mind open up and wander and about letting one thing lead to another.

Many people are driven to write memoir as a result of pain, loss or trauma. But when considering publication, one question you must ask is, “who cares?” Why would people want to read your book? You must have something to share which is universal. The impetus for writing my first memoir, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal (http://www.amazon.com/Reginas-Closet-Finding-Grandmothers-Journal/dp/0825305756/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279570174&sr=1-1) was to explore the motivation behind my grandmother’s suicide. It’s not that I was contemplating suicide, but after my first diagnosis I became depressed. I knew that my grandmother battled the same demon and I wanted to understand how she dealt with it. I also wondered if maybe she too had cancer and took her life because of the stigma associated with the disease in the 1960s. In the end, I learned that she did not have cancer, but never fully healed from the traumas she encountered as an orphan in Poland during World War I.

The way in which you begin your memoir, depends upon your story. An effective way is to begin by writing about a transformational moment in your life. For Regina’s Closet, I wrote about the day I found my grandmother dead. This became the book’s opening scene. In Healing With Words, (http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Words-writers-cancer-journey/dp/1615990100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279569966&sr=8-1), I began by describing what I thought would be a routine annual mammogram, but which ended up being a breast cancer diagnosis. This became that book’s opening scene.

According to Lee Gutkind in his book, Keep it Real, “scenes are the primary building blocks of creative nonfiction. They are little stories, episodes, anecdotes or other opportunities for the creative nonfiction writer to be artful and use all the literary techniques available to fiction writers, such as dialogue, description, action and suspense.”

When identifying a scene remember that something must happen. There must be a beginning, middle and end and a bunch of things that happen in between in order to have the building blocks for the story.

From a broader perspective, here are eight tips on writing a compelling memoir:

1) Find the memoir’s focus

2) Find the memoir’s structure

3) Show don’t tell

4) Use a compelling voice

5) Create compelling scenes

6) Use reflection and musings

7) Use fictional technique

8) Write your emotional truth

In summary, many people write memoir not necessarily because they want to write one, but more often because they have a story which they need to tell, either to find an answer to a mysterious question or to make some sense of a situation. Writing is a journey like no other. Whatever  one’s motive is for reason for writing a memoir, it will surely be a rewarding experience!

Linking Creativity and Depression

It’s not a new theory that some of the brightest, most creative and influential individuals in history have been plagued by depression – including Charles Darwin, Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, William Syron, and more recently the novelist, David Foster Wallace. A feature article in this past weekend’s New York Times Magazine section entitled, “Depression’s Upside,” by Jonah Lehrer offered a fascinating new slant on the subject. A study by a Yale Psychologist, Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, showed that those with ruminative tendencies are more likely to become depressed. I found this to be an interesting factoid depicting those prone to this illness.

Supposedly, Darwin viewed his depression as a clarifying force, which helped him focus on essential problems. Apparently, in his writings, he claimed that sadness “leads an animal to pursue that course of action which is most beneficial.” In other words, for the creative individual, the darkness can be a sort of light.

The article certainly validated some of my own depressive moments. When everything is going extremely well in my personal life, I am more prone to writer’s block. As a journaling advocate and writing instructor who frequently lectures on the healing power of writing, I was thrilled that Lehrer referenced a recent study citing that ‘expressive writing’ leads to a significantly shorter depressive episode.  Many of us in the literary world are aware of this, but it’s refreshing to see it addressed in this reputable reference, for the masses to read.

In fact, in the journaling classes I teach, I see a major transformation in my students from the first to last class, particularly if they had signed up to find their way out of a crisis. I don’t really need any long-term case studies to convince me of the healing power of the written word. Just by examining my own life and those of my colleagues and students, I can see the pattern. I frequently make students laugh when I tell them that writing is certainly less expensive than therapy and often times, much more effective.

Depression is common in the general public and the article states that seven percent of the population will be affected by depression and this number tends to be higher amongst creative types.  So fellow writers, don’t worry so much about your depressive moments  or disregard your analytical ruminations, because you just never know what the outcome will be! Oh no, a literary drought!

To read the complete article, check out the following link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/magazine/28depression-t.html?em