Monthly Archive for July, 2010

Finding Focus

Published on July 26, 2010 in Author Blog, Creative Nonfiction, Health, Health and Wellness, Memoir, Musings, Spirituality, writer blog and writing. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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The last time I discussed finding focus was in my memoir workshop in Ventura, California.  What I want to talk about here, however, is how to find focus in our daily life. Whether you are an author, artist, health care worker, therapist, esthetician, painter, publicist, scientist, developer, entrepreneur, grower, parent or senior citizen, it’s an important skill to have.

We all might have our own ways of slowing down and finding a peace of mind. For me, regular meditation definitely helps. Even though some may be under the illusion that regular meditation practice is complicated, it’s really not. All you need is patience, time and a technique that works for you. I began my practice in the 1970s with Mahareshi Yogi and I have tried many different disciplines over the years. What I learned is that the most important thing is consistency.

The recent issue of Yoga At Home Magazine — http://www.yogajournal.com —  a great article called, “Peace of Mind” by Janice Gates where she shared some ways to help you get your mind to focus. In combination with sharing my own ideas about the practice, I would like to mention some of the tips she offered.

Many who meditate do so regularly. Some prefer meditating early in the morning as a nice way to begin the day, while others might do it at the end of their yoga practice. If you have young children or other early morning commitments, it may be more challenging to find a slot of time which will work for you, but surely you can make it happen.

Personally, I like beginning my day with meditation before the busyness sets in. After identifying the best time of day for you, the next thing to do is to find a place where you will not be disturbed. It’s best to sit on a cushion on the floor, but a chair with a back will also work. It is important to have a quiet place. Close your eyes and cross your legs in Indian fashion. While seated, check in with yourself to see how you are feeling emotionally and physically. Some practitioners suggest making an intention for each meditation, such as cultivating calm, happiness and health. Remember, the more regularly you meditate, the easier the practice will become.

Next, the challenge is to train your  mind to focus and stay in the moment. It is perfectly normal for your mind to wander, but to stay focused try to bring your attention back to your breath. Let your thoughts come to you and with each breath, let them float away like a cloud. If you still have difficulty focusing, try counting your breaths. For example, inhale, then say the number “one” and then exhale and say the number “two.” Do this all the way up to ten and then start over again.

Another way to stay focused is with the use of a mantra or chant. When I studied transcendental mediation we were each given a personal mantra, but really, you can just repeat any word or sound in your head. Some people repeat the word “shanty,” which means peace, over and over again.

Another way to focus is to use a burning candle. Place the candle on a table near where you are meditating –preferably about two feet away. Without blinking, stare at the flame for about one minute. Then close your eyes and imagine the flame in the area of your third eye (the space between your eyebrows).

If you are the type of person who has difficulty sitting still, you might consider a an outdoor walking meditation. In walking meditation, the idea is to focus on each step you take. Notice how the ground feels beneath your feet. Whenever your mind wanders, bring it back to your feet like you did bringing it back to your breath. After you’ve done this for a while then bring your attention to your surroundings; notice the colors and textures of nature.

In summary, it takes time to develop and perfect a new habit like meditation. So as Janice Gates suggests, be patient with yourself. Start with five or ten minutes a day and if you are able, gradually increase to forty-five minutes.

Writing a Compelling Memoir

Published on July 19, 2010 in Author Blog, breast cancer, Creativity, Depression, Healing With Words, Health, Journaling, Memoir, Memory, writer blog, writing, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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On Saturday, I participated in a panel at the Ventura Book Festival called, “Writing a Compelling Memoir.” For those who were unable to attend, here are some highlights from presentation:

Abigail Thomas, in her book, Thinking About Memoir, says that writing a memoir is about keeping your eyes, ears and heart open. It’s about letting your mind open up and wander and about letting one thing lead to another.

Many people are driven to write memoir as a result of pain, loss or trauma. But when considering publication, one question you must ask is, “who cares?” Why would people want to read your book? You must have something to share which is universal. The impetus for writing my first memoir, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal (http://www.amazon.com/Reginas-Closet-Finding-Grandmothers-Journal/dp/0825305756/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279570174&sr=1-1) was to explore the motivation behind my grandmother’s suicide. It’s not that I was contemplating suicide, but after my first diagnosis I became depressed. I knew that my grandmother battled the same demon and I wanted to understand how she dealt with it. I also wondered if maybe she too had cancer and took her life because of the stigma associated with the disease in the 1960s. In the end, I learned that she did not have cancer, but never fully healed from the traumas she encountered as an orphan in Poland during World War I.

The way in which you begin your memoir, depends upon your story. An effective way is to begin by writing about a transformational moment in your life. For Regina’s Closet, I wrote about the day I found my grandmother dead. This became the book’s opening scene. In Healing With Words, (http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Words-writers-cancer-journey/dp/1615990100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279569966&sr=8-1), I began by describing what I thought would be a routine annual mammogram, but which ended up being a breast cancer diagnosis. This became that book’s opening scene.

According to Lee Gutkind in his book, Keep it Real, “scenes are the primary building blocks of creative nonfiction. They are little stories, episodes, anecdotes or other opportunities for the creative nonfiction writer to be artful and use all the literary techniques available to fiction writers, such as dialogue, description, action and suspense.”

When identifying a scene remember that something must happen. There must be a beginning, middle and end and a bunch of things that happen in between in order to have the building blocks for the story.

From a broader perspective, here are eight tips on writing a compelling memoir:

1) Find the memoir’s focus

2) Find the memoir’s structure

3) Show don’t tell

4) Use a compelling voice

5) Create compelling scenes

6) Use reflection and musings

7) Use fictional technique

8) Write your emotional truth

In summary, many people write memoir not necessarily because they want to write one, but more often because they have a story which they need to tell, either to find an answer to a mysterious question or to make some sense of a situation. Writing is a journey like no other. Whatever  one’s motive is for reason for writing a memoir, it will surely be a rewarding experience!

Creating Memories

Published on July 12, 2010 in Journaling, Journals, Musings, Notebooks, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Writing for healing and Writing, journaling. Tags: , , , .

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Whether writing about them, reviewing them or creating them, memoirists are obsessed with memories. I was recently reminded of this phenomenon during the events surrounding my middle daughter, Regine’s wedding to Daniel del Valle, her high school sweetheart.

Not only was it a magical wedding celebration resonating with happiness as the two families united during this spectacular family reunion, but what struck me at a deep level, was the importance of the family unit and how lucky I am to have the family I do. We have all had relatives who embarrass us or make us proud, but these types of family gatherings reiterate the similarities rather than the differences between family members. It was a reminder of the importance of celebrating the good times, because those are the memories we will carry with us into our old age. In addition, I was reminded of the importance of savoring memories by remaining in the moment.

I delighted in having a table of seniors which included my mother, in-laws and some aunts, all of them in their eighties. I realized how this year so many of my cousins have become orphaned and how no matter how old you are when your parents die—becoming orphaned is a traumatic event. Seeing all the seniors at one table also reminded me of the wealth of memories they hold in their heads and hearts.

The pain of loss has driven many poets and memoirists to the page and surely my father and grandmother have been an inspiration for my own work even though they have already been gone, respectively, 20 and 45 years. I feel bad not to have had the chance to get to know them as an adult and often wonder about the accuracy of my memories of them. I suppose it really does not matter because when we share our experience through memoir, we are sharing only our own emotional truth and no one else’s.

My new son-in-law, Daniel,  lost his father when he was barely nine years old. I often think about how this tragedy during childhood carved so many aspects of his life. I admire how he was able to forge forward and through the help of his mother, brother and close family has grown into a wonderful young man.  I also realize that many well-accomplished figures, such as Martin Luther King Jr., John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy and Thomas Steinbeck are also lost a parent during their youth. I believe it has been healthy for them to continue to honor their deceased loved ones by talking about them and sharing their memories as a way to keep them alive.

Another way to preserve memories of  those who have passed away, is to write about them. It’s important when writing about deceased loved ones is to tell it like it is or like you remember who they were and  the events surrounding their lives. Writing is also an effective way to heal childhood wounds.

Here are some possible writing topics regarding memories and family:

-       What do you miss most about your deceased relative?

-       What are you most proud of or embarrassed by about a family member?

-       Describe your relationship with a grandmother.

-       Describe your relationship with a grandfather.

For more prompts relating to memories, check out this link:

http://www.creative-writing-now.com/journal-writing-prompts.html

Until next time, Happy writing!

Diana